A limit to situs online the madness


I’d looked foreward to Monday all weekend long. Yes, I realize just how bizarre that sounds, but I do work on the weekend so it’s a bit different for me. See, we’ve just learned that the “G-Vegas BIG GAME” is changing formats. Gone is the $2/$5 $200-man NL OMAHA crap….with $1/$2 NLHE in it’s place.

Glory BE!

Of course this was a holiday weekend, and the best laid plans…yada yada yada…we played something else instead.


4:30 PM I call theMark to see if the big game is on. He says he’s just headed back from the lake and thinks he can get it together. At the time, I don’t realize how unlikely it is that theMark will ever get it together.

4:31 PM I call Otis to ask if he’s planning to play. He gives a pure-OTIS answer. Please copy this into your e-mail folder and then, as soon as you send him a message, send yourself this standard reply :

“Yeah, I’d like to but I don’t know. I should spend some time with the family. Plus, I’m kinda tired. Why don’t you give me a call later to see how I feel”

Rumor has it this is actually the same template response his wife gave when he proposed. That may be why it stuck.

6:15 PM I’m already fairly certain situs online is planning to play because, like 13 year old girls, we exchange a half dozen e-mails a day. I have down time after filing a report and he counts blade rotations in turbines. If he loses count, he e-mails me, the starts over.

Now he calls to see if I’ve heard from Mark. I hadn’t. Sooo…

6:16 PM Mark is STILL en-route from the lake. He still seems to think a game will happen.

7:00 PMBlood calls again and we agree that good sense dictates several drinks before poker. Like Otis, Blood now drinks Martinis. I had beer. I’m still male

7:30 PM Once at the bar, Mark calls to say the game is on for 9PM

7:33 PM This bar, Beef O’Brady’s, has that online trivia game. The whole bar is playing. The guy to my left says he’ll buy me a beer if I get three correct answers.

7:35 PM He buys me a beer. I feel very smart.

7:36 PM I get my own trivia controller and log in as “Shep”. “Shep” crushes the competition and beats 12 other players. Shep is also very smart.

7:50 PM Mark calls. Now the game is OFF. I order another beer and Blood has more martini. This makes me laugh. What makes a man switch to martinis? I mean, if you’re some douchebag suit and you have to impress the minions…that’s one thing. But when a turbine counter gets all fancy, that’s just odd.

7:59 PM Guy to my left, now VERY drunk, overhears blood and I discussing poker. He says he’s pretty good and so is his wife. He says he likes to play for buyins of about $20 and do we know of a game?

8:00 PM I tell the guy that I’m not good at poker but my friend (Blood) is. In fact, I say, he’s semi-pro. Blood then claims to have lost $30K this month, which makes drunk guy’s wife say “WOW!”. Blood then adds that he just needs “one big score” to break even.

8:15 PM I grow bored with stupid trivia game at exactly the moment Mark arrives. Mark also does NOT order a martini.

8:20 PM After 30 minutes of playing with his Blackberry (not a euphamism to my knowedge) Mark finally finds a game. It’s well known in G-Vegas circles that if Mark can’t find a poker game, poker is NOT being played. He’s like a HUMAN blackberry…in that he’s distracting and hairless.

9:00PM Mark and I stick Blood with the tab. I actually hand Blood a wad of $1 bills which I assumed he could put to good use. Mark, who brought his entire poker banroll, could not seem to locate enought for his $6 bar tab.

9:30 PM We leave the bar for this game which, when I ask Mark for directions he says “I have no idea where it is. Just follow me.”

9:31 PM Because we can’t think of a better use of our time. We follow Mark.

9:45 PM Mark gets lost.

9:55 PM We arrive at this game which is on the back porch of nice house in a nice neighborhood. The players look as if they’ve been playing…and drinking…for some time. In other words, it looks great. Until we hear the structure.

10:00 PM They’re playing alternating orbits of Hold-em and Omaha. The hold-em is $5/$10 limit. The Omaha is….$2 preflop $3 on the flop $5 on the turn and $10 on the river. Very odd indeed. It also guarantees that people will stick around for low draws because the odds make that a smart play. Odd.

10:01 PM Mark, Blood, and I buy in for $200 each and agree we can only stay until midnight.

11:00 PM My stack is now $450

12:00 PM I cash out for $630. I’m proud.

12:05 PM I inform Blood that I intend to play at least 1 WSOP event this summer. To be fair, I made that decision BEFORE catching lucky cards in this stupid game. I’m trying to get Blood to schedule his trip to coincide with mine.

I’ll be going the last week of July or the first week of August.

Have a nice day.

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